Thursday, November 6, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
A guide to Christian Cliches and Phrases
I stole this from another very interesting blog, called unreasonable faith.
A Guide to Christian Clichés and Phrases
May 29, 2008 by Daniel Florien
“Save sex for marriage.”
Translation: “If I can’t have consequence-free sex, neither can you.”
Acceptable Response: “I pledge myself! Give me a promise ring!”
Unacceptable Response: “So how did that work out for you?” Or, “Where exactly does the Bible say that?”
“All you need to do to go to heaven is ask Jesus into your heart.”
Translation: “You’re going to burn in hell if you don’t say this prayer, little boy.”
Acceptable Response: “Dear Jesus, thank you for coming into my heart and saving me…”
Unacceptable Response: “Dear Jesus, where in the Bible do you tell us to ask you into our hearts? That seems kind weird. And why did the ancient world think the heart was the kidney? Hello? Can you hear me? I guess this is just a one-way intercom. How can I know if you’re still around if you don’t say anything back? Okay, if you’re really there, appear to me right now in person like you did to Paul.” Or, “What exactly does Jesus do in my blood-pumping organ?”
“Amen”
Translation: “Say ‘amen’ back to me!”
Acceptable Response: “Amen” or “Preach it!” combined with vigorous head nodding.
Unacceptable Response: “No!” Or, “Hmm…. That doesn’t sound right.”
“What can I pray for you about?”
Translation: “Any juicy tidbits about your life I can spread through the prayer gossip grapevine?”
Acceptable Response: “Thanks for asking. You’re so kind. My wife is having an affair, my brother is a drunk, and my dog can’t control his sexual desires.”
Unacceptable Response: “Have you ever kept a prayer journal to see if you get more unanswered prayers than answered ones, or if your unasked prayers get answered just as much?”
“I’m not a racist, but…”
Translation: “I’m a racist asshole who attends an all-white church and is uncomfortable around most black people. I love racist jokes and am about to tell you a good one.”
Acceptable Response: Laugher followed by telling a slightly more racist joke.
Unacceptable Response: “You’re a hypocritical racist asshole.”
“God is in control.”
Translation: “I only believe this about overwhelming situations. The rest of the time, I believe things are up to us and I act that way.”
Acceptable Response: “Amen.” Sometimes followed by an anecdote about some unexplained or coincidental experience that you attribute to God.
Unacceptable Response: “If God’s in control, then relax and don’t do anything about it! In fact, you don’t have to do anything at all ever, right? But that’s not right, and people still have to do everything, so what does it mean for God to be in control and why does it matter?”
“I believe this because the Bible says so.”
Translation: “I have no clue about the history of that big book I’m in love with, and I don’t care either, because it’s God’s Word, and if God said it, it must be true.”
Acceptable Response: “Amen.”
Unacceptable Response: “It also says to kill homosexuals.” They might heartily agree to that one, which in case the unacceptable response becomes, “It also says to kill your children when they talk back. Have your children ever talked back?” Or, “Explain to me the authorship and transmission of the Bible, and why you think it’s God’s Word.” Or especially, “Jesus said to give anything to those who ask of you – and not only to give what they ask, but more. So please give me your wallet and your car.”
“What’s God doing in your life?”
Translation: “I’m getting ready to judge you.”
Acceptable Response: “I’m conquering pride and lust!” Or, “Oh, Jesus, Jesus, I love Jesus my beautiful King and Savior!”
Unacceptable Response: “God’s been teaching me about how much evidence there is for evolution.”
“Hate the sin, love the sinner.”
Translation: “I’m a flaming fundamentalist.”
Acceptable Response: “Amen.”
Unacceptable Response: “That’s a relief, because I’m a homosexual transvestite in an interracial relationship.”
“We’re in the end times.”
Translation: “My pastor said we’re living in the end times.”
Acceptable Response: “God will punish America for our sins!” Or, “America isn’t mentioned in the Bible because we’re going to crumble soon!”
Unacceptable Response: “Did you know that out of the millions of times Christians have claimed this throughout history, they’ve always been wrong?” Or, “If you’re so confident, I’m sure you’ll be confident in putting some significant money towards a bet on that.”
“He is risen!”
Translation: “It’s Easter! Let’s eat!”
Acceptable Response: “He is risen indeed!”
Unacceptable Response: “Where? I don’t see him.” Or, “Do you have any evidence for that statement?” Or especially, “Like yeast?”
“Jesus loves you.”
Translation: “Jesus does, but I don’t.”
Acceptable Response: “Amen.”
Unacceptable Response: “If that were true, why doesn’t he tell me himself?”
“Do you know where you’re going to go after you die?”
Translation: “This is the question they told me to ask in my evangelism class.”
Acceptable Response: “To heaven to see my sweet, precious Savior!”
Unacceptable Response: “How can you know that before you’re actually dead?”
“What would you say if you stood before God after you die?”
Translation: “I’ve got you now, sinner!”
Acceptable Response: “Please forgive me! I was so fracking stupid! How blind of me not to see you in everything you created!”
Possibly Acceptable Response: “Oops.”
Unacceptable Response: “If you wanted me to believe in you, why didn’t you show some kind of evidence? Why create everything through the painful process of evolution? Why did you let your creation suffer through hunger, neglect, disease, and war? Why incarnate yourself and then commit deicide/suicide? Why were you so bloodthirsty in the early years? If you’re God, you’re not a very good one.” Or, “Which one?”
[Thanks, Steve, for the last response.]
“Thank you Jesus!”
Translation: “It’s easier to thank Jesus than the people who deserve it.”
Acceptable Response: “Amen!”
Unacceptable Response: “I’m not Jesus.” Or, “You’re welcome.”
“Have you found Jesus?”
Translation: “Are you also a Jesus-lover, or must I convert you?”
Acceptable Response: “I’ve been walking with the Lord since I was two years old, Praise Gawd!”
Unacceptable Response: “I didn’t know he was missing.” (source)
“I’ll pray for you”
Translation: “This conversation is over. My mind exploded.” Or, “I refuse to believe you won this argument.”
Acceptable Response: “Thanks, you’re so kind.”
Unacceptable Response: ”Instead of praying, why don’t you read a non-Christian book?” Or, “I’ll think for you.” Or especially, “Liar.”
[Inspired by Richard, Gdad, and Wazza.]
“Lord willing…”
Translation: “The Bible says somewhere to say this, and I feel uber-spiritual whenever I do.”
Acceptable Response: “…”
Unacceptable Response: “How would you know if it’s the Lord stopping you, or just your laziness?”
[Inspired by Polly.]
“Here’s my testimony…”
Translation: “I was a guilt-ridden sinner until I hit rock-bottom and then believed in Jesus and my sins were forgiven!”
Acceptable Response: “That’s a great story, how can I have my sins forgiven and go to heaven?”
Unacceptable Response: “The reason you’re telling your story is because it’s impossible for me to say you didn’t have that experience. Unfortunately, people have religious experiences all the time, and many of them have nothing to do with Jesus. Your story is nice, but it’s easier to fool yourself than you might think. You don’t know the truth about God and Jesus and the Bible through an emotional experience, but through evidence, and you’ll find that lacking.”
“It’s a miracle!”
Translation: “My brain can’t comprehend how this could happen without the God of the Universe getting involved, so it must be true.”
Acceptable Response: “Exactly! How else could they have called when you were thinking of them, except for God to control them like a puppet to impress you?”
Unacceptable Response: “Maybe, but could you prove it?” Or, “Would this really be impossible without God?” Or especially, “It seems you don’t understand probability theory. Let me explain.”
[Inspired by Brian.]
“It takes more faith to be an atheist than a Christian.”
Translation: “I don’t really understand atheism or how it’s possible not to believe in a god.”
Acceptable Response: “That’s right, brother. Denying God is like denying gravity.”
Unacceptable Response: “Believing in something without evidence takes faith. Not believing in something without evidence takes intelligence.”
“Atheism is a religion.”
Translation: “Atheism is a religion because everyone believes there is a god, right?”
Acceptable Response: “They know there is a God and they reject him and hate him! They will burn in hell forever!”
Unacceptable Response: ”Calling ‘atheism’ a religion is like calling ‘bald’ a hair color.” (Don Hirschberg) Or, “If atheism is a religion, then not collecting stamps is a hobby.” (Mystyk)
“It’s a mystery.”
Translation: “It doesn’t make any sense to me either, but that’s what the Bible says.”
Acceptable Response: “And when has the Bible ever steered us wrong?”
Unacceptable Response: ”If every hard question ends with mystery, how can you be so confident you are right?”
“It’s not a religion, it’s a relationship.”
Translation: “I hope he doesn’t ask if I attend church every week.”
Acceptable Response: ”Yep, it’s all about the big J.”
Unacceptable Response: ”Can’t every religion claim they are about a relationship with God?” Or, “If you’re not a religion, why do you attend church, read the Bible, believe in orthodoxy, and are trying to convert me?”
“God always answers prayer.”
Translation: “He just usually answers no…”
Acceptable Response: ”God knows best.”
Unacceptable Response: ”Jesus said if you ask anything in his name you’ll receive it. He also said if you have even the smallest amount of faith, like a mustard seed, you can move mountains. Does that fit with your experience?” (Inspired by Jack D)
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Worst thing about Star Trek
Worst thing about Star Trek
The link above is to a poll about the worst things Star Trek bought to the sci-fi genre.
This is a great list. As pointed out in the article, Star Trek probably wasn't the first to do these, but just the show to make them popular. I know I have complained about all those before. The aliens ones, I think the weakest, because I think alien design is difficult and because the nature of most sci-fi, we want human-like aliens. Technobabble is a good way for plot devices in sci-fi, and I can give them a pass.
Holodeck, Godlike beings, and Reset Switch. Man, that's a tough call. Holodeck is cool concept, but has lead to a lot of bad episode that try to set up a situations that shocked you with how they went, and then turned out to be only a holodeck program. It's kindof like the Reset Switch, every time travel episode that has shocking or drastic events can be reset to "everything is fine". The Q on Star Trek, are portayed as a god-like beings, but really never act like it.
I would have to come down on the Reset Switch as the worst thing that Sci-fi does that pisses me off. They kill of characters, the bad guy wins, but at the end, whoops... no harm no foul, eveything is back to normal and fine. What bullshit.
Which one would you choose?
The link above is to a poll about the worst things Star Trek bought to the sci-fi genre.
The holodeck.
Klingons in cowboy hats have somehow led
to a rash of dumb holographic characters in other scifi
entertainments.
Aliens with really bad forehead acne.
Suddenly every
science fiction show, and some movies, started using the latex craniums as a
shortcut to "alien".
The reset button.
Whenever the shit hits the Shat, we
know we can undo everything with a temporal flip-flop.
Technobabble
If we can just generate a triple-tachyon
swizzle inversion field, it'll all make sense in the end.
Godlike beings.
Q, Trelaine, Apollo, that wiggy
widower, etc. etc.
Nothing.
The only bad thing about Star Trek is that the
lack of a TV show or movies for the past 6 years.
This is a great list. As pointed out in the article, Star Trek probably wasn't the first to do these, but just the show to make them popular. I know I have complained about all those before. The aliens ones, I think the weakest, because I think alien design is difficult and because the nature of most sci-fi, we want human-like aliens. Technobabble is a good way for plot devices in sci-fi, and I can give them a pass.
Holodeck, Godlike beings, and Reset Switch. Man, that's a tough call. Holodeck is cool concept, but has lead to a lot of bad episode that try to set up a situations that shocked you with how they went, and then turned out to be only a holodeck program. It's kindof like the Reset Switch, every time travel episode that has shocking or drastic events can be reset to "everything is fine". The Q on Star Trek, are portayed as a god-like beings, but really never act like it.
I would have to come down on the Reset Switch as the worst thing that Sci-fi does that pisses me off. They kill of characters, the bad guy wins, but at the end, whoops... no harm no foul, eveything is back to normal and fine. What bullshit.
Which one would you choose?
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
More bejeweled action
Nice. I always knew my bejeweled experience would someday save the world.
-Spider Simon.
Nice. I always knew my bejeweled experience would someday save the world.
-Spider Simon.
Fear of internet predators shows how we are bad at judging risks.
Fear of Internet Predators Largely Unfounded
If my criminological studies taught me one thing, it was that people are tremendously bad at predicting their own risks. I would think the media has a hand in this one, touting the myspace predator and online hook-ups. The problem is, however, is that worrying about the unlikely or improbable risks blinds a lot of parents to the real risks.
As mention in the article, you have parents restricting online access for kids in order to protect them. However, these same parents probably don't check out the families of their kids friends, or will leave them unattended in the mall, which actually places the kids at higher risk.
Are humans designed this way? It seems pretty common. People worry more about big and unlikely negatives than small and probable negatives.
New style for the bible, an old christian tradtion continues.
Check out the Manga Bible website or this herald tribute article.
Wow, bet you did not think that the bible would make a great Manga. Well, you would be wrong. Nothing says action like Jesus walking into some moneychangers and kicking some major ass. Don't worry, the boring bits, like the sermon on the mound, because that has been cut. None of that peace-loving Jesus (which is an older modified version of Jesus, as well). No, this is Jesus, hardcore.
I think it is very funny that the author of the bible talks about he is trying to use the manga - action heavy style to portay the bible. For the bits I have read in the bible, action heavy is not how I would describe it. They are trying to reshape Jesus Christ into an action super-star, so that young rebelious american youths can relate to him.
Well, it is a very old tradition, almost every generation of christian has interpreted Christ differently, shifting the focus, outlook, and perception of Jesus to match what they want him to be. Different cultures, from early judo-christians, to romans, to middle-ages europe, to new world, to victorian era, to modern day has always re-interpreted Christ into what they wanted him to be. The historical jesus is interesting topic of study, to be sure, but seperate from that is christology, the study of the nature, deeds, and person of the christ and the interpretion of those things.
I think it reflects more on our times that the youth have no problem viewing Jesus Christ as an action hero, fighting against an opperessive Roman government for the Glory of God. We american love our vigilantes, who buck authority and laws to enforce doubious morals in black and white terms. The Hippies saw him as a peace-lover. South American communist saw him a liberator and a socilaist. Some people view him as a feminist, some as Gnostic. Some nascar racers view him as wearing baby.
What does this tells about about ourselves? What does this tell about Jesus? About Christ?
That is a question worth pondering.
Simon
P.S. Jesus was an extraterrestrial reptilian shape-shifter whose purpose was to get us to warm up the planet with global warming so that his race can take over the earth. Thank you, David Ike.
Wow, bet you did not think that the bible would make a great Manga. Well, you would be wrong. Nothing says action like Jesus walking into some moneychangers and kicking some major ass. Don't worry, the boring bits, like the sermon on the mound, because that has been cut. None of that peace-loving Jesus (which is an older modified version of Jesus, as well). No, this is Jesus, hardcore.
I think it is very funny that the author of the bible talks about he is trying to use the manga - action heavy style to portay the bible. For the bits I have read in the bible, action heavy is not how I would describe it. They are trying to reshape Jesus Christ into an action super-star, so that young rebelious american youths can relate to him.
Well, it is a very old tradition, almost every generation of christian has interpreted Christ differently, shifting the focus, outlook, and perception of Jesus to match what they want him to be. Different cultures, from early judo-christians, to romans, to middle-ages europe, to new world, to victorian era, to modern day has always re-interpreted Christ into what they wanted him to be. The historical jesus is interesting topic of study, to be sure, but seperate from that is christology, the study of the nature, deeds, and person of the christ and the interpretion of those things.
I think it reflects more on our times that the youth have no problem viewing Jesus Christ as an action hero, fighting against an opperessive Roman government for the Glory of God. We american love our vigilantes, who buck authority and laws to enforce doubious morals in black and white terms. The Hippies saw him as a peace-lover. South American communist saw him a liberator and a socilaist. Some people view him as a feminist, some as Gnostic. Some nascar racers view him as wearing baby.
What does this tells about about ourselves? What does this tell about Jesus? About Christ?
That is a question worth pondering.
Simon
P.S. Jesus was an extraterrestrial reptilian shape-shifter whose purpose was to get us to warm up the planet with global warming so that his race can take over the earth. Thank you, David Ike.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Simon's selected list of atheist aphorisms
I found a list of 50 top atheist aphorisms. I trimmed the list to 20 of my favorites, and present them to you, for your comments.
My favorite ones were:
- Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers
- Honk If Your Religious Beliefs Make You An Asshole
- Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.
- He's Dead.
It's Been 2,000 years.
He's Not Coming Back.
Get OVER It Already! - All religion is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry. - Edgar Allen Poe.
- Viva La Evolución!
- Actually, If You Look It Up, The Winter Solstice Is The Reason For The Season
- I Wouldn't Trust Your God Even If He Did Exist
- People Who Don't Want Their Beliefs Laughed at Shouldn't Have Such Funny Beliefs
- GOD - APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD!
- Science: It Works, Bitches.
- "Intelligent Design" Helping Stupid People Feel Smart Since 1987
- If God Wanted People to Believe in Him, Then Why Did He Invent Logic?
- Praying Is Politically Correct Schizophrenia
- The Spanish Inquisition: The Original Faith-based Initiative
- If we were made in his image, when why aren't humans invisible too?
- How Can You Disbelieve in Evolution If You Can't Even Define It?
- Oh, Look, Honey Another Pro-lifer For War
- Another Godless Atheist for Peace and World Harmony
- When Lip Service to Some Mysterious Deity Permits Bestiality on
Wednesday and Absolution on Sundays, Cash Me Out. Frank Sinatra.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
0|\| B31|\|g 133t...
A sysadmin tries, and fails at being a 133t hacker
A disgruntle employee is a dangerous thing. Lucky for this company, this one didn't do any damage. I'm glad that our legal system is trying to reflect the reality of today's workplace. That writing destructive or disruptive software can be (and in my opinion, should be) a crime. The amount of damage a hacker can do is stunning, and currently our legal system is inapt at best and ineffective at worst at dealing with computer / internet crimes.
A disgruntle employee is a dangerous thing. Lucky for this company, this one didn't do any damage. I'm glad that our legal system is trying to reflect the reality of today's workplace. That writing destructive or disruptive software can be (and in my opinion, should be) a crime. The amount of damage a hacker can do is stunning, and currently our legal system is inapt at best and ineffective at worst at dealing with computer / internet crimes.
I suspect foul play...
HOUSTON (Reuters) - A Houston-area man was killed in a hunting accident after his dog stepped on a loaded shotgun in the back of a pick-up truck, triggering a blast that pierced the vehicle and the hunter's leg, a local sheriff said.
Perry Price, a 46-year-old math teacher, shot a goose on Saturday then put his gun in the back of the truck where the dog was waiting to retrieve the bird.
"I've been in law enforcement 20 years and this is probably the strangest one I've had," said Chambers County Sheriff Joe LaRive.
Investigators found paw prints and mud from the dog, a chocolate Labrador retriever named Arthur, on the shotgun, LaRive said.
Price was taken to a local hospital, but died from a loss of blood after doctors were unable to revive him.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Post Restante
How (and Where) to Ship Stuff Ahead When You Travel [Travel]
Poste restante is an old fashioned mail-pickup service that most countries' postal services still provide. Mail is addressed to a person, but in lieu of an address for delivery, the mail is sent to a post office branch, where you pick it up. You'll usually address mail to Name, Poste Restante, the specific name of the post office (usually the main, central office), that branch's street location, city, postal code, and country. Of course, you need to KNOW the location you'll be picking it up from beforehand.You can also ship ahead to the hotel where you're staying, or, if you're an American Express customer, to the local AmEx Travel Service office.
Poste restante: Avoid airport security hassles by mailing packages to your destination
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